I have wondered during the past year how much sleep a body can have. I wondered this because I have slept so much, yet not felt like it has been enough! I feel as if I could close my eyes and dream on forever.
Mostly I believe that my body had shut down because I have carried so much on my shoulders; both mentally, emotionally and then physically, when my body gave in to the emotional aspect and mental strains of having to run everything like clockwork.
This 'trauma' ended up manifesting in my body chemically through stress until it turned into a physical disability- albeit temporary, a disability it was!
You see even when you have healed from the past painful hurts and traumas, you can still experience a new depth of pain and trauma which is on a different level to that which you had previously dealt with. In my case this proved to be true.
However, I really didn't understand the pain running a business can actually bring before I dived blindly and headfirst right in, (though pain signifies growth)!
I was so naive! I believed that those who were in a better position than me financially would support me. I believed in friends and family being the first to come running through my doors and help me build a solid foundation!
I soon learned a tough lesson!
Trauma Manifests itself in illness
Learning to Trust in Rest
Trusting in the words "I will book in with you"; "when can I come have a treatment" or " I am coming" was beginning to be a little less easy to do.
I now take those words with a pinch of salt, because if I didn't they really could cause deep rooted offence.
I learned that in order to grow, those words must be let go of!
I must just learn to restin the fact that those who are my true friends will always be there.
Getting Over Disappointment
Sometimes seeing notifications of friends attending treatments or spas other than yourself when they promised to come support you as this was the only source of income they knew you relied on.
The hungry days and sleepless nights of grafting to market yourself well enough to draw in new and loyal customers that you can help because of your passion and immensely great skillset, yet because the friends you knew didn't know what it was to experience such as afore mentioned, they could never understand.
And that's okay!
I have felt broken and bruised through disappointmentand almost felt too tired to think and to be honest, at one point my brain felt like it was going to explode!
So rest is where I find myself a lot of the time.
The more I sleep, the more I heal.
The deeper my healing and strength begins to take root and refreshes my soul!